*Written in the throes of a brutal hangover …
Welcome to Iceland.
Iceland is, arguably, the greatest country you can find – in this particular region. If you travel about 1,500 kilometers to the east, you will find other equally agreeable countries too. In fact, you shall probably find much better countries, countries that are not marred by the eternal pettiness of the Icelandic race (islanders are, as a rule, small-minded).
In Iceland the weather is usually shit. And when the weather isn’t shit all the good places are crowded with disagreeable people (i.e. Icelanders). You could say that Icelanders are the (north) polar opposites of vampires – albeit equally white and dangerous.
Also, the language is an indecipherable mess – frequently masquerading as a system of intelligent symbols. I have lived here for almost 23 years and still have not learned to properly inflect; every time that I attempt to say something profound, the profundity of said proclamation is severely undermined by its ungrammatical nature (an Icelandic grammarian is a myth).
Furthermore, Iceland is expensive as all hell; there is no competition in Icelandic markets and when there is competition in Icelandic markets said competition is negated by the fact that it is taking place on an Icelandic market – which, by definition, is either an absolute monopoly or one in which all of the the agents involved in the market are colluding to obliterate the competition.
In other words, the consumer always loses – and the rich are smart enough to hide their money in foreign bank accounts (while preaching, with familiar patriotic fervor, the importance of paying one’s taxes).
Lastly, our country is currently overrun by you, the tourist. And while we thank you for salvaging our economy from the long fires of hell with your Bethlehem wallets, we curse you for exposing our countrymen for what they really are: unblushing opportunists without an honest droplet of blood in their generally pale bodies:
Everyone in Iceland is currently in the tourism business, specializing in that brand of tourism that involves the fleecing of good-natured travellers with the wonders of Icelandic nature (excepting, of course, all the companies advertising in our magazine).
Enjoy your stay,
Ragnar Tómas
PS. Always buy bottled water.
SKE kemur út á ensku einu sinni í mánuði.