The King of Ghettotech – DJ Assault


It’s not every night that we, the undeserving Icelandic rabble, are treated to a night out with royalty.

Such is our island deprivation: to have never had the pleasure of hurling a bruised banana at The King of Queens, Kevin James; to have never heard The Queen of Country, Dolly Parton, slander that miserable red-headed hussy, Jolene, in musical form; and to have never swooned over the boyish sensuality of the Prince of Pop, Justin … No, wait. He was here. He performed in Iceland.

It was okay. 


Tonight, however, the stingy courts of the Universe offer restitution; courtesy of Edgy Events, we Icelanders are slated for an evening with The King of Ghettotech, DJ Assault, at Húrra. Alvia, The Queen of Bubblegum, will open, and so will Intr0beatz, The King of … well, Kings.

Prejudicial of our compatriots’ bourgeois philistinism, we expect that most are unfamiliar with the genre of Ghettotech, the designation evoking, to the untrained ear – in all likelihood, at least – a kind of Technical Institute, specializing in the frugal rehabilitation of superannuated inner-city devices. But that’s not right.

Not exactly.

Ghettotech is an exotic musical gumbo of Hip Hop, Chicago Ghetto House, Electro, and Detroit Techno. It’s upbeat. It’s nasty. It’s strangely appealing. To prepare ourselves for the evening, we have spent much of the morning listening to DJ Assault’s catalog of songs (see below) – and we admit that we’re not entirely sure what to make of it; the names of his hits read like the bottom shelf of an Adult video store: Ass-N-Titties, Hoes Get Naked, Dick By the Pound, Asses Jiggling, etc. –and the lyrics are vulgar to the point of hilarity: 

Big booty bitches that’s where it gets
Come on, ho, let’s go to the easy rest

This dick is so long, My back is so strong
And when it’s on bone, It’s damn near twelve inches long

I’m a real player, I’ve been playing for years
Take it in the face after too many beers

But the music, itself, is nice; it persuades the limbs into motion.

Anyhow, whatever you do or do not think of DJ Assault, he is royalty – and as such – he is worth, at least, an evening’s worth of attention. Doors open at 8. 

See you at Húrra.

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